Leaving Fetlife Behind

(Warning... Vulgarity Ahead... You have been warned.)

I have a confession to make.  I've kept a dirty secret from you friends for some time and unless your on the inside of the group or you've been intimately close to me, you don't really know about it.  Guess what, I'm gonna step out and talk about it and tell you why I'm leaving it behind. 

For about six years, I've been on a site called Fetlife.  An online community you go to in order to connect with "like minded" individuals and talk about the things you need to get your rocks off. 

For a time, it was fun to talk about and explore what I wanted out of a naughty life.  I used to be fairly well known by the members of the community as I was for being The Goth Music Journalist or more recently as the Master of  Ceremonies for some of the local tattoo expos.  On there, I was the reigning king of Anal Sex discussions.  I was even moderator for the local Anal Sex discussion group.

 

No seriously... I ran the damn forum!

My profile was so filled up with anal sex memes that people would subscribe just to see what new one I would come up with (no pun intended).  

However, over the last few years and actually more recently in the last few months, I've felt a disconnect with myself and my good hearted intentions by perusing that site.  I logged in to the site because I felt a deep abiding sense of loneliness that needed some form of validation and healing.  I logged into the site because I had hoped to find a partner (one hoped for life) on there that we could share common interests with. 

(Butt will you love me tomorrow?)

What I found, were a myriad of very LONELY men in the same boat I was in.  Desperately crying into the night "Why oh why OH GOD WHY?!  Why won't some Woman love me... And let me ferret out her sheriff's badge?!" 

 I found a large amount of men who wanted to flash their genitalia to women in hopes that their rather massive, gigantic, titanic, STAR DESTROYING penises would hopefully attract another lonely and desperate female.  After all they'd reason, women just want giant cocks... Not personality... 

The women I did find, by and large were already in a relationship... More often than not in a poly amorous circle.  Usually a hard definition poly circle where everyone knows about the circle, everyone agrees to the set partners in the circle, and no one is supposed to stray out of the circle without all parties knowing and agreeing to it. 

I also found a fair amount of drama from people not obeying the rules of the circle. 

What few single women I did find, were not interested in a single fat "Switch".  

A switch, by definition, is someone who can play both the Dominant and Submissive roles of BDSM role play.  I am... A switch.  I can trade up depending on the night or even the situation. 

You can read all about it on Wikipedia here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Switch_%28BDSM%29

You see "Switches", at least in my experience, are some of the least desired roles within the BDSM kink scene.  Because we trade up, no one knows where to put us.  Single submissive women don't want a possible sub, not when the gigantic COCK LORD DOM happens to be lurking about. 

And there are SO MANY of the Cock Lord Doms that populate that site.  Dom for the uneducated is the Dominant role of the BDSM role play. 

I got a girlfriend, off and on, through my journey being on Fetlife.  What I always found most entertaining was when I had a girlfriend, and we'd break up, usually I'd find that she'd have been on Fetlife the whole time and in fact had been advertising herself as either single or "In an open relationship" without ever changing a thing for years.

Or more entertainingly... They will be "Owned and Collared" by some douche canoe Dom who has a million women he has "Owned and Collared" because he's a Pro-Dom (Professional Dom). He gets paid to collar and own women, smack them with utensils, and twist their nipples.  Alright then... You lovely Ex-Girlfriends can have that...  And all that comes with it.  

I always know when things fall apart and something has gone horrifically wrong because in the end... I always hear the inevitable "I miss you..."  

"I miss you" is that glorious sound every Ex gives me when they suddenly find out that the thing they tried to replace me with, that bright shiny amazing thing, just isn't what it was cracked up to be.  That the man, or woman, I was replaced with ended up being a mortal human full of baggage and issues just like me after all. 

And nothing says "Pathetic" quite like an email with an avatar profile of naked breasts and stomach with the heading "I miss you" and a message body that consists of "I'm sorry and I love you still.." 

 

I digress... 

Recently... I've really been thinking about my time on Fetlife and pondering "What is this really doing for me?"  Recently, Russel Brand talked about the effects that Porn has on people and its negative impact on self image and sexuality.  You can hear it right here: 

His premise is that Porn, and watching Porn, negatively impacts us.  And what is entertaining to me about this, is how much flack he (a very liberal advocate of Gay Rights and Workers Rights) is getting lambasted over his outlook about Porn. 

And this is where I realize that I'm using Fetlife as my porn... 

Sitting here, perusing discussions about Anal Sex, Cunnilingus, Fellatio, Feather Tickling, and what have you... I find myself disconnecting with the larger sense of reality and I find myself disconnecting with myself. 

Perusing pictures in the "Kinky and Popular" section, I find myself when I am alone NOT FEELING CONNECTED with people.  When I sit and gawk at pictures of women, no matter how attractive or (ahem) average they may me, I find myself becoming MORE lonely.  

Here is the nature of porn...  It gives you what you want to see, always and constantly, but never delivers the satisfaction that you need.  Like drug use, you bury yourself into the warm (if albeit fleeting feeling) of the high and when you come down, you have even less than when you started with.  

I find myself lusting, endlessly, what what I can't have.  What I am NOT entitled to have. 

(You can't argue with the creator of Game of Thrones, he might kill another Stark if you do)

Six years on this site and I've never found the life partner I had hoped and craved for. 

I've met a few good friends.  Interestingly enough, we bonded over things that WEREN'T on Fetlife.  We talked about knife making, Origami, Food, Blogging, even Faith and Christianity (Yeah, there are at least eight National Christian Forums on Fetlife.  I am a member of all of them. Or was...).

I've gone to hang out at several of the local "munches" (A gathering of kinksters at a public location) and found that they were a lot of fun conversations and hilarious anecdotes shared among friends. 

But put that aside, and go back online, and I am barraged with drama... 

Someone doesn't like someone because he's had the same pick of his penis up on his profile for months.  

Someone doesn't like someone because they are monogamous, not Poly, and therefore are "Morally Inferior".  

The list goes on... It's a sense of elitism that grows in every community. 

The constant infighting on the forums, along with Loneliness that perusing naked pics of women endlessly online provides, I'm choosing to step out.  

For me, it is not serving a purpose to connect me to like minded people that say Facebook or even Blogger has.  What I wanted was to find a romantic sense of love, a friendly gathering sense of love, a camaraderie of love.  

What I got was the same feeling I get walking into a strip club.  Being the Master of Ceremonies, I know a lot of people.  I know a lot of strippers...  Some, I don't know they are strippers until they either show me or tell me.  Most just tell me...  But going on Fetlife, its the same feeling.  

Oh I know you!  Oh... And this is what you like to do when the lights are off.  

If I want to truly be happy... I need to be enough for myself and I can't keep pursuing (even in private) a rule of thought that leads me to lust after what I cannot have.  The net result is a growing depression that I think will consume me. 

So I've closed out my account.  I'm going back on Facebook.  And I'm going to concentrate on more wholesome things.  

Like spiders... 

Music in my head:

Nothing says I love you like Anal Sex. 

http://youtu.be/csvCToROyC4